Plugging along in the winter.

I have a tendency to spread myself over multiple projects. Such is the case with blogging. I post happenings on Facebook, plus I have a private forum where I write more personal things...not to mention the multiple public forums (for chicken owners, moms, etc). I'm currently a little obsessed with myfitnesspal.com, so if you're trying to lose a few pounds, you can come find me there. Yup, it's time to get back on the weight loss wagon. This is going to be my year! ;)

Anyway...about the chickens. It's an ongoing process, somewhat fluid, with sticking points occasionally. I paid (what is to me) big bucks to get a custom-built coop with a run, and I'm happy with the result. I started out with eight chicks, then got two more from someone else; then I lost four of them to predators - leaving me six, which is what I was supposed to have to begin with (according to the landlord). BUT...then, a couple of months ago, I tried hatching a batch of fertile eggs from the grocery store (no, I did not come up with this strange idea on my own). Of that batch, I ended up with one live chick. I bought three more chicks to keep him company, but I ended up selling two and taking one (another young rooster) to the local feed shop to do with as they please. We have one girl left, six weeks old today, hanging out in our laundry room (in a plastic storage bin). I took her out yesterday to try life with the big girls, and she immediately got attacked. So we'll put that off for a bit longer. Future plans: to try hatching again with fresh fertile eggs (lavender and maybe splash Orpingtons - I <3 Orpingtons!) in the spring.

This winter hasn't so bad for me. I think the weather has been a little milder. We haven't had any snow yet, and there have been more clear (or partly clear) days. Marcus is hankering for snow, but I'm just fine without it. ;) I'm not really any more involved with groups than I was a year ago, but I guess it's not bothering me as much. We go to swimming lessons twice a week (morning for Ari, after school for Marcus). I used to take Ari to a regular playdate on Tuesdays, then Wednesdays, and now they're back to Tuesday, so we can't go (since we like our T/Th swim instructor). Sometimes we meet with other friends on Monday mornings, but it's not a regular group. We generally spend afternoons at home unless we have errands to run. We let the chickens free range in the yard for a while and give them treats (very popular with Ari). I'm still feeling the lack of any close-knit social group, but we're in contact with a few different groups, and I guess that works most of the time. I also keep thinking I need to give our Lake Forest Park moms group a little push somehow, but I can't fathom inviting a group over to our messy house (which is of course an ongoing project).

Speaking of which...Loki passed away last month. It's sometimes a little empty in the house without him here, and I think Phantom misses him. But the upside is that there are no longer hairballs and feline accidents all the time. The litter pan is gone. So we're one step closer to a living room safe for crawlers (not that I have any crawlers anymore, but friends do).

Christmas was good overall, and I was actually awake for New Year's Eve (albeit in a later time zone). I think it was the first time I stayed up on NYE since before I had kids. Ari fell asleep on my lap in a recliner (and amazingly stayed asleep through all the midnight hoopla). It was very nice to be with family for the occasion.

Chickens!

When we get home from Germany/Iowa (end of August), we're going to be chicken owners! :D

Reflections.

Yesterday was Ari's first birthday. It was a bittersweet day. Not only did I frequently remember details and feelings from the birth (a saga which was not even close to over yet, as of March 31), but I kept thinking about whether she would be my last child. I never understood mothers getting upset about their baby's first birthday because it didn't bother me last time. I was happy to be out of the first year with Marcus. I also fully expected to have more children, so there would be more babies. Maybe that's why this time seems different. I cherish more moments now - and feel guilty when I don't. I love this age, and sometimes I wish I could keep her just like this!

The past year started out very (very) difficult, and the first few months were definitely trying, but the rest of the year has flown by. In terms of how I feel about the birth, it certainly doesn't feel like a year has passed. It's still hard to deal with. As much I think about how I wish I had more children, when I think about being pregnant and going through birth again, it's a little...horrifying? I wish I could have been one of the women for whom birth was relatively easy. There was a time, not so many years ago, when I considered having up to four kids. That was before extended breastfeeding. Everything has come together - fate, if you will - to suggest that more children are not in my future. I appreciate letting babies (toddlers! preschoolers!) nurse as long as they need. I appreciate co-sleeping with babies who won't sleep on their own. I feel that having a lot of children is not very responsible to the rest of society, which is already overpopulated. I'm approaching 40, and my two births were both hard on me, physically. I would like to get as healthy as I can and enjoy the rest of my life more. It doesn't make sense to have any more kids. But that doesn't make it any easier to accept. Even adoption wouldn't be the same. I love these little people that are part of me.

Anyway...

We've now been in Seattle for seven months. Ari is more a Washingtonian than a Hoosier. ;) I've come to the conclusion that I will never (okay, never being unknown - but no time in the near future) be a city girl. I hate traffic. I hate being close to so many neighbors. I miss not being able to drive through open space. I don't care for evergreen trees - they're ugly (some of them) and too dark. I'm not sure if I will ever feel at home here. However, to keep this a little more positive...days are quickly growing longer, which is nice. It's not as warm as I'd like, but long-time residents and weather forecasters both say that it has been a particularly cool and dismal winter and spring thus far. (We have La Nina to thank for that). Trees are blossoming, which, now that I think about it, happened a week or two earlier here than it did a year ago in Indiana. When I went into the hospital, the trees had not bloomed; when I came out on April 6th, spring blossoms were everywhere. It was surreal at the time.

My decluttering continues, slowly. I have to laugh when I go back and see that I started talking about decluttering in the fall. Most of the storage room (a room that I hope will have another designation someday) remains untouched, though I recently started on it. I've made a few trips here and there - books to a drop bin (after a pathetic payout at the used book store), Goodwill - not to mention listed several items on Freecycle and Craigslist. I keep reading and stay inspired, but progress is slow with a demanding toddler, naps, school pickup time, etc. ;)

So here's to spring! And summer! I'd like to think that the longer days and increased sun will help with my mood. It's also more fun to get out with Ari now that she can walk (although this means following her around at the playground, LOL). I'm looking forward to attending playdates more regularly (and meeting more moms!) with her, as she's getting old enough to not need a morning nap. The times, they are a-changing. Again.

There versus Here.

What I miss from Indiana:

- friends there, of course
- flat open land around me
- relatively minimal traffic (and more space for driving)
- having most everything I want within a mile or two
- McAlister's Deli (and sweet tea)
- Einstein Bros bagels (with schmears - I <3 their cream cheese)
- sunsets! - although the best ones were on the farm in IA. But that's more in the summer, and perhaps sunsets here will improve in summer as well.
- thunderstorms, especially in the summer
- cost of living (especially real estate and food)
- lawns that actually dry out when it's not raining :P
- our neighbors were a bit more social/friendly
- YMCA was nearby. Here's it's more hassle to get to one, and there aren't many health clubs or gyms with child care.
- Easy free parking wherever you go (excluding downtown Indianapolis).

What I like about Seattle:

- variety of eateries (although there were plenty in Indy, but we didn't go there very often just to eat, since it was 50+ miles away)
- coffee shops everywhere
- foodie grocery stores (and many grocery chains to choose from)
- "The Sound" (and Lake Washington is nice too, when I get a view of it)
- milder winter temps (no bronchitis so far this winter, knock on wood!)
- IKEA is half an hour away instead of two hours ;)
- more crunchy moms
- more appreciation for recycling, environmental issues, natural resources, etc
- greater flexibility regarding health care options
- theoretically more movie and concert options - not that I get to do this yet
- Yoga! A lot of options. But I can't do this yet either. Someday. ;)

I may add to the lists as I think of more things...

Pho.

Yesterday, Ari and I went on an excursion to sample some taco places, as well as experience pho. We went to two taquerias (one an actual restaurant, the other a taco truck). Both were fairly good but didn't have the right fish tacos to satisfy me (the one thing I miss the most about southern CA). Sigh.

Pho was an entirely new thing. I figured I needed to try it, given the large number of pho restaurants around here. I guess I had built up high expectations - and was a little disappointed. Perhaps the beef pho is the best, but I don't eat beef. I tried the chicken. This consists of a clear broth, a pile of rice noodles, several flat pieces of chicken, and some herbs (maybe cilantro?). In addition, I was given a plate of some very fragrant basil, a large pile of sprouts, a couple of lemon wedges, and a sliced pepper (not sure what kind). I added everything but the pepper. It wasn't bad by any means. The broth was tasty enough but not exciting. The noodles were okay, and Ari enjoyed them - which brings me to another point.

I had this strange epiphany of what it must feel like to be an immigrant. There are just enough changes here for it to feel weird for me. I didn't notice this so much in southern California - though it had its differences from the Midwest. And I certainly didn't notice it in Indiana, which is a little more redneck-y but otherwise very similar to Iowa. I'm not sure why I never felt like this in California, because there are plenty of differences there. Maybe it was because I didn't have kids*. I certainly tried new things in California. I ate fish tacos, and they blended right in with my usual routine. I became an avocado fan. I was introduced to lattes, by way of the Frappuccino. But here, as I sat in this Vietnamese restaurant, feeding pho rice noodles to Ari, it occurred to me how different my kids' childhoods are from mine, and how they may likely grow up feeling that this part of the country, with its physical and cultural differences, is normal. These thoughts in turn made me feel like the weird outsider trying to hang on to her roots. Luckily I still speak the language. ;)

*Another difference - it had most of the same chain businesses. Many chain restaurants are missing here. Or, if they are in the area, they're considerably north (Lynnwood/Everett) or south (Tukwila/Renton) or east (Bellevue/Redmond) of us. I suspect the same applies to some chain stores as well. It's a bit of a culture shock at times. I don't know where to go to get something I want. I'm supportive of the idea of small businesses over big corporations, but it's a big change to actually live in an area where this is put into practice.

2010 Photo Review

January

Marcus turns 5.


February

Snow in Muncie.


Turkeys we made at Muncie Children's Museum - right before they met their doom. (We made them on Thanksgiving but they hung around to February). Couldn't resist posting!


Baby shower at Johnny Carino's.


March

Test run of the birth tub.


Ari is born.


April

Ari and I are hospitalized.


...and come home.


Grandma visits.


Oma visits.


May

We visit Chicago (for Aris's passport).


June

Happy birthday Chris!


July

Fourth of July at the pool


Marcus on his last day of summer preschool


August

Playing at Cornerstone for the Arts fair


Goofiness (requested by Marcus)


Ari trying to crawl @ 5 months (visiting IA on way to WA)


September

Marcus's first day of kindergarten.


Chris and pets take x-country trip to WA.


Officially moving in.


Visiting new places in WA...Bothell Country Village.


Beach @ Puget Sound.




October

Meeting new people in WA.




Halloween.






Marcus's first time rollerskating.


Visiting Woodland Park Zoo.


November

Baby's first snow (and our first snow in WA).


And our only snowman of the year.


December

Oma visits.


Marcus in his German school play. (far right)


Hiking at Hamlin Park


Baby's first Christmas - Christmas morning


Fondue on New Year's Eve

Thoughts on...life and new motherhood.

Being alone with a baby for much of the day gives me lots of time to mull over all kinds of deep things. I think about families and if ours is complete and how I feel about larger ones [a little envious but I couldn't do it]. I think about how I got cheated by my birth experiences and wonder if I'll ever fully get over it [not sure but right now I'm pissed about it]. I think about how much different my life is from what I expected, now that I'm a) living in a big city, and b) nowhere near my family of birth [it's hard and profound at times]. I read minimalist blogs (I added a few to my blog roster here) and ponder how to break my attachment to all my stuff so I can have a simple, spacious house (and then I wonder if there's any point in trying to attain such a goal since we're all packrats here).

I'm sure I'll come back to that minimalist issue again later. It's a fascination that won't go away. Notice that food, diet, weight and exercise are not mentioned in that list. They're just not high priorities right now. I eat what I want for the most part (although the sugar/diabetes issue does come to mind occasionally). I don't exercise, aside from walking Marcus to school off and on. I fantasize a bit about being able to go to yoga on a regular basis and maybe hit the gym for a soothing visit to the hot tub (if such a place exists around here) but I don't see that happening for a while. I have a very needy little Mama's Girl who won't let me go anywhere without her. And I adore her, so I try to stay in the moment for her. There will (hopefully) be time for yoga and hot tubs later.

Being a mother to a baby seems so much different this time around. I know moms claim that they are more relaxed, because they have the experience and knowledge - but I don't think that's it for me. I think I was a relatively laid-back mom the first time around. Some things that freaked out other moms didn't bother me. I hate to say this, but the difference might just be due to having a girl. Higher cuteness factor. ;) Or it might be due to other parts of my life being different. When Marcus was a baby, certain aspects (how and where he slept, nursing, neediness, etc) were a struggle. I also felt extremely lousy physically and didn't yet know why. Now these things are old news. My kids are needy. They nurse a lot at night. They don't like to be alone. And I'm physically sore from screwed-up sleep. That's just how it is. But I have an extremely cute and loving baby, so I bide my time. It will get better. As for the other stuff - who knows.